As a teenager I battled eating disorders. At a size 7 I thought I was huge. All of my friends were size zeros and they could share clothes, but I couldn't so I thought that meant I was fat. I went from starving myself for weeks to binge eating junk food and hiding it. The older I got the more problems I had with self esteem and depression. Once I graduated high school and went to college the weight started to slowly creep on. I look back at pictures from when I THOUGHT I was fat and I laugh wishing I could be that size again. Since I had my a swings with my bipolar seem to be getting worse. I know that some of that is side effects of having the IUD taken out which can take several weeks to go back to normal, but I am tired of excuses.
What brought all of this on this morning is I was looking through some pictures of this past weekend. We had a birthday party for a close friends little girl we went to. There were several pictures of me and I look AWFUL. I have never been this big in my entire life! Even at 9 months pregnant I was not this size. I started thinking, "How did I get to this point?". I started thinking of the medication, the IUD, the stress, family history and all the other factors. Finally I said, that is it, no more excuses. I keep saying I want to start training again and working out again and eating like I should, but it is time I put my thoughts into actions. My daughter deserves a healthy mommy who has the energy to play with her. She deserves a mommy who will grow old and get to watch her grow up, and she deserves a mommy who will teach her healthy eating habits now while she is young.
I have to do something and do it now. I am going to continue to blog since it is a healthy way of getting my feelings out there. I am going to cut back on the time I spend on the computer as a whole however and focus more on a healthier life style. I am going to do this for my daughter, but also for myself. I need to get back to loving myself. I need to be the woman I know I am deep down, and it is time to bring out my inner fighter. I am going to look into getting some counseling along the way, and I am going to talk to my doctor as well to make sure I approach this the right way. I am tired of making excuses for myself. I am the only one who can control my life, and it is time that I take control. I am not getting any younger, and my daughter is growing up faster than I ever imagined. I know I have a couple of good friends. I just hope that my family and friends will be the support that I need them to be.
Here right along with u
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